The Wedding Disaster part one
by we no longer exist
Summary: The time has fianlly come, Duo and Heero are finally getting hitched. This would be the perfect thing, right? *insert diabolical laughter* Can true love compete with the trip from hell? Place your bets.
1. Default Chapter

The Wedding Disaster   
By: YamiEmmy & Trunks Lil Sis  
  
(This is long, very, very long! Any we're not kidding. It's about 10,000 words and it's only the first part. If by some freakishly weird reason you do make it through this whole first part, then read the end notes as to when the next part will be posted.)  
  
Warnings: Done by two insanely crazy, rabid, schitzophrenic, distrubed, mentaly unbalances, mentaly challenged, Zoloft and Riddlin dependent, caffieen addicted, Yaoi obsessed, sugar dependent, battery opperated, morbidly pessimistic, diaobolically giggling, too tall for words, freaks of nature.  
  
Oh yeah, and there's Yaoi in here. And a lot of bad, bad, words. So if mommy doesn't know you're reading this, it'll be our little secret.   
  
Final warning, watch out for the flying Hee-bear and Zero Quatre fighting with their plastic sporks. We tried to contain them in a small area but it's a little hard to do when a screaming Duo, ...ing Trowa, Justice Craved WuFei and one god damned stalker left.  
  
Trunks lil sis: Are we forgetting anything?  
  
YamiEmmy: Not that I can think of.  
  
Trunks lil sis: There has to be something, I mean, we never get away without forgetting something.  
  
YamiEmmy: We could warn them it's writen by us  
  
Trunks lil sis: Didn't we do that above?  
  
**Large Crash**  
  
YamiEmmy: Oh Gods  
  
Trunks lil sis: Some one let the Rabid Hilde out of her cage.  
  
Duo: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
YamiEmmy: Should we help him?  
  
Trunks lil sis: What the fuck are you smoking?  
  
YamiEmmy: Right. I would like to keep my arms on my body.  
  
Trunks lil sis: Maybe we shoud find Heero  
  
** Both look to where Heero and Quatre are stabbing each other with their plastic sporks**  
  
YamiEmmy: Maybe not  
  
Trowa: . . .   
  
Trunks lil sis: I'm not goddamned Duo or Quatre, I can't understand you!  
  
YamiEmmy: Move over, i can!  
  
Trowa: . . .   
  
YamiEmmy: No! You are insane if you think i'm going anywhere near a Zero Quare, let alone a Zero Quatre with a plastic spork. **waves DVD controller** Does this look like it can compete with a plastic spork?!?!?!  
  
Trunks lil sis: Uh, can we just move on with the story, it's long enough as it is!  
  
YamiEmmy: Spoil sport  
  
Trunks lil sis: Do you want to go over there and get your arms ripped off?  
  
YamiEmmy: . . .   
  
Trunks lil sis: That's what i thought.  
  
Both: NOW ENJOY!  


  
  
Part 1:   
  
  
Um, Heero? Can I ask you something? Duo said as he walked into the room he and Heero shared. He had been watching Heero for a few minutes and was starting to get very curious. It was natural to pack clothes when you're going to go to a different country for a few weeks, but even Duo had to admit that it was just plain strange to pack, or at least try to pack, the mattress.  
  
Yes Duo? What do you want to ask me? Heero was completely oblivious to the fact that his koi was giving him the strangest look ever.  
  
Heero, I'm sure you have a good reason as to why you're packing the mattress, and I would like to hear it. Duo said in the most reasonable voice he could manage.  
  
We have to remove all physical evidence that we ever lived here. Once I've packed this, I'm going to delete all files about us-  
  
Heero, how many times a week do I have to tell you, THERE IS NO MORE WAR! WE WON IT! EVERYONE WHO EVER OPPOSED US IS DEAD!! YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE THE PERFECT SOLDIER ANYMORE!!  
  
So.... I should unpack the mattress? Heero asked.  
  
Yes. Unpack the mattress. And put the sheets back on. And I know you like the comforter, but it belongs on the bed here.  
  
Well, if I'm leaving the mattress, do you want me to unpack the bathroom sink?  
  
You packed the sink? Where did you put it?  
  
In my spandex, of course. Heero said, as if this was the most usual thing in the world.  
  
Duo looked at Heero's spandex. He bent down to get a better look, but he still couldn't see anything out of the ordinary. He stepped up close and started to do a pat search, but didn't feel anything there but Heero's gun. He peeled back the spandex and only saw the gun and- Heero, is that the bathtub?!  
  
Yup. It was very difficult to get that in after the sink, the toilet, the dressers, the bathroom mirror, and the desk, but I was able to do it. I'm not sure if I can get the mattress in, so that's why I was trying to put it in the suitcase.  
  
Heero, why did you pack all of that? Now you have to take it all out and put them back where they belong.  
  
Mission accepted.  
  
THE WAR IS OVER, HEERO! Duo yelled before he walked out of the room and down the stairs to see how the rest of the guys were doing.  
  
He walked into the living room and saw Quatre sitting in Trowa's lap and WuFei staring at the wall with a bunch of Kleenex in front of his face.  
  
Um... Do I want to know why you're staring at the wall, Wuffers?  
  
I think my nose has all most stopped bleeding, and if I look at those two again, I'll be reminded of what Mill-- uh . . . what did the other night, and- oh, crap!! His nose had started to gush out blood.  
  
Right then. I'll leave you to your fantasies, Feifers. Duo walked over to the couch and flopped down with a loud thud. Are you guys all packed?  
  
Rasid said that he's almost done with all of the packing, and that Auda will bring the bags to the car later. Quatre kissed Trowa again, so Duo decided that it would be better to watch TV.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Heero, are you done packing yet? It's almost time to go! I don't want to be late for my own wedding!! Duo said as he walked into the room again. He noticed that the bed was back in perfect order, and with a quick look into the bathroom, he saw that the bathroom was also in perfect order.  
  
Mission complete. Heero said when he saw Duo's satisfied face. But when he saw the look Duo gave him at the slip of words, Heero decided to go back to packing their toys.'  
  
You're not done yet? Duo complained.  
  
I would've been done, but you made me unpack a lot of things and put them back where I found them.  
  
Heero, when we get home, I just want to screw. I don't want to have to put together the bathtub, the sink, the toilet, or whatever else you took apart. Okay?  
  
We are going to go on a honeymoon, right? We're still going to go to Japan, right? Heero asked hopefully.  
  
Duo just gave Heero a kiss and smiled. Of course we're still going to go to Japan. You haven't been talking about anything else for the last three weeks.  
  
Heero finished the packing and kissed Duo before grabbing the suitcase and walking down the stairs. Heero dropped the suitcase in front of the door when he saw what was outside the door.  
  
There was a bright pink tent set up directly in front of the stairs that led to the door, and on that tent were the words Peacecraft Pink.' Heero turned around instinctively and started to run when Duo grabbed his wrist.  
  
She's dead, remember, Hee-chan?  
  
Then who the Hell is that?! Heero asked, near hysterics.  
  
I have no idea, but I'm willing to bet it's a girl. I just hope it's not... Her. Duo said with a shudder.  
  
Quatre and Trowa came walking up with a few small bags in their hands, looking slightly worried.  
  
Duo, Hilde is here. Auda saw her when he was taking out our bags. She put up surveillance equipment all over the yard so that she would see you as you walked out. Quatre went to the window and parted the blinds slowly. Yup. There she is. Just like he said.  
  
How the Hell did she know?! Duo said in frustration. Who was informed of the wedding, Q-man?  
  
Well, all of the Maganacs know, but they are all smart enough not to tell her. And I told Milliardo, but I don't think he told her. He knows that she's just as bad as ... She... was. I told a few of the more important people at Preventers Headquarters, but they all know that she wasn't to be told. I have no idea how they found out.  
  
WuFei started to say nervously. As one, Heero, Duo, Trowa, and Quatre all looked at him. I think I know how she found out. I told Sally, and she said that she told Noin, and you know how those two work with her? I think they might've told her.  
  
WUFEI! YOU TOLD THEM!?!? YOU KNOW THAT THEY TELL HER EVERYTHING!!! Duo screamed to WuFei at the top of his lungs. He was about to lunge at him when a voice made all of the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.   
  
The voice sounded like a screaming toddler, a banshee, nails on chalkboard, and a rusty Taurus suit all combined and aimed towards him.  
  
DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE! I SAW YOU WHEN QUATRE PULLED BACK THE BLINDS!!! DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Was all Duo could say before he ran behind Heero and cautiously poked his head up from behind his shoulder. Make her go away, Hee-chan! Make the evil stalker go away!! Duo started whining.  
  
Duo, calm down, Heero's not going to let her ruin this. And you know it.  
  
Mission accepted. Heero said and then walked over to the weapons rack that was in the entry hall, put there just in case something like this was to ever happen.  
  
It's times like this when I'm glad Heero's still the prefect soldier. Duo said as Heero picked up the largest rifle in the weapons rack and stuck in a few bullets. Heero walked over to the door, opened it, and calmly walked out to face the stalker. You just have to love my Hee-chan!  
  
As soon as the door was opened, Hilde ran right in and was roughly halted in her tracks by Heero as he grabbed her arm and threw her out of the door where she promptly landed three feet away.  
  
Stay away from Duo if you want to live. Heero said very quietly. I won't kill you if you leave right now.   
  
Fine, I'll leave, but I am not going to miss my wedding. I knew he loved me, and now this is all the proof I need. I know the wedding is really for me and Duo. Not you. I know that Duo isn't gay. He loves me.  
  
You have three seconds to run before I pull this trigger. Heero warned. 3. . .2. . .1 BANG! Heero pulled the trigger, but whether by luck on her part, or the fact that Duo was still clinging onto his back, Heero missed her heart. He still shot her, but he didn't kill her.  
  
AAHH!! I can't go to my wedding like this!! DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He shot me! Aren't you going to do something? DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Duo shuddered at the sound of her voice. Heero put down the gun. Trowa put his arms projectively around Quatre. Quatre put his head on Trowa's shoulder. WuFei looked very nervously at Heero.   
  
Heero gave a side look that warned them not to mess with him. I told her. Was all he gave as a reply. He grabbed the door and slammed it closed as hard as possible.   
  
WuFei looked down at his watch then winced at the screaming and banging on the door. The plane is leaving in a few hours and we need to get out of the door without a certain someone attaching herself to Duo. He gestured towards the door and turned back down the hallway. We can leave in a minute. He waved them off reaching his room. I forgot a few things.   
  
He slammed his door and Quatre leaned further into Trowa. I'm not sure, The Arabian said in a quiet voice. but I think he's packing a few . . . toys. Quatre blushed, Trowa's face remained passive, Duo burst into laughter and Heero simply placed his gun into his spandex.  
  
Heero bent down to pick up the first of five suitcases Duo had brought out of the room so far. Muttering something about Duo being too vain, he headed towards the back door. Duo, go get the rest of your bags. He gave the braided boy a look. Don't think I didn't see you packing all those suitcases in the bathroom.  
  
Quatre threw his hands behind his head and headed after Heero. Come on Trowa, Auda, Abdul and everyone else will be here to get them in a second.  
  
. . . Trowa shook his head, this was not a good start.  
  
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COME AND HELP ME SO WE CAN GET MARRIED!!!! DON'T LET HEERO DO THIS TO US, WE HAVE TO GET MARRIED TO PRESERVE RELENA'S MEMORY. WE HAVE TO GET MARRIED SO WE HAVE HAVE SEX AND NAME OUR FIRST CHILD RELENA AND WE CAN DRESS HER IN PINK!!!!!!!!!!!!! DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Again Trowa shook head. . . . He admitted and it was the truth, they would be lucky to actually get through the wedding.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I think I'm going to be sick. Duo clasped a hand to his mouth, the other cutting off the circulation on Heero's arm. They slipped out of the car and Quatre called the main terminal of the airport to come and pick up their bags.  
  
I'll see you all in Ireland! Quatre waved at them as he and Trowa climbed into the first personal tram to arrive. Duo waved back, his sickness seemingly passing.  
  
Earlier that week, they had all gotten together and decided to take the trip over to Europe separate. Quatre and Trowa had decided to fly over with the other Maganacs on Quatre's private plane. WuFei had given a cover story of flying out later on preventer business, though secretly he was flying out with Milliardo. And Duo and Heero had opted to fly on a commercial, public airline. Heero had wanted to fly with Quatre, he really wasn't a people person, and this was known. But Duo had protested that he wanted to join the mile high club.  
  
Heero winced at his lovers voice, and Duo had protested. It just isn't the same on a plane with fifteen people. Heero tried to remind his lover that all the Maganacs would be on the plane, but it made little difference to Duo. It isn't real until there's the possibility of someone walking in on us. Heero had reluctantly given in.  
  
Thank you so much, Hee-Bear. Duo latched onto Heero's arm as they walked through the airport terminal. Can we eat????? He wasn't asking as he dragged Heero toward the food court. Look Hee-chan!!! They have pizza and Chinese food and Japanese food and Italian food and loooook! His eyes lit up. THE FUDGE FACTORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Heero's eyes widened in fear. Oh shit. He moved forward to restrain his soon to be deranged lover. Calm down Duo, you can't get a sugar high before getting on a plane for fourteen hours. He gave Duo his hardest look. We will buy some chocolate before getting on the plane, but you will not eat it before we get there. Heero said, not planning on budging.  
  
Flight 666 leaving for Dublin, Ireland with two stops along the way is now boarding. I repeat, flight 666 for Dublin, Ireland is now boarding. Duo looked at Heero briefly before shoving his fifth piece of pizza into his mouth. He stood, grabbed his bag of chocolate in one hand and Heero's shirt in the other.  
  
They reached the gate with minutes to spare. Heero reached into his breast pocket to retrieve the tickets and froze. Duo stretched lazily glancing at the clock. Come on Heero, it's time for my noon nap. Heero chuckled nervously and handed Duo his ticket.  
  
Uh. . . He looked around nervously. Why don't you go ahead and get on the plane. He began to push Duo towards the flight attendant standing at the door. I'll be right behind you.  
  
Duo gave him an odd look but walked through the gate, slightly happy that he wouldn't have to turn on his innocent face to get a window seat.  
  
As soon as Duo disappeared down the gateway Heero rushed to the gate's designated desk and began to pound on the silver bell situated on the counter.   
  
He yelled at the bubbly woman who was talking on the phone. Miss! Miss, I'm talking to you! I need your help and relatively soon! The girl gave Heero a quick look over before going back to her conversation. Heero willed himself not to reach into his spandex and pull out one of his many guns.  
  
I'll be with you in a second. She said quickly to Heero before popping her gum and raving into the phone about a date she had had with a boyfriend.  
  
Heero slammed his fist down. He hated being ignored, this girl was just asking to be killed. I want service and I want it now! She continued to ignore him.  
  
Sorry sir, you'll just have to be a bit more patient. She snapped her gum again reminding Heero of the nightmarish girl from the supermarket.  
  
But I need some help now, I need it! Heero began to jump up and down, screaming like a two-year-old. I need a ticket onto the plane before it leaves! Heero reached across the counter to lunge at the woman, fully intending to strangle her to death. You will give me the fucking ticket right now or I will strangle you to fucking hell!! He screamed.  
  
All right sir, you don't have to lose your temper. She began to type very, very slowly on her keyboard. Making small sounds every few seconds, amplifying her annoying behavior.   
  
Heero asked, his patience had been gone minuets ago.   
  
The good news is that there are a few seats left on the plane. She smiled wide, and Heero let out a breath of nervousness. The bad news is, She paused dramatically, loving every second of her torture. The plane just left, so I'm sorry sir, I can't sell you those tickets.  
  
Heero seemed calm for a moment until he promptly leaped over the counter and wrapped his hands around the lady's neck.  
  
Someone call security! A male voice called out as Heero continued to strangle the woman, depriving her of oxygen.   
  
I'll kill you, you fucking bitch!!! Heero now began to pound her head against the terminal's carpet. I'll send you to fucking hell and back again, bitch! You should have given me one fucking ticket like I calmly asked for in the beginning, but no! You had to be a bitch, and you had to ignore me causing me to lose my soon to be husband! He smashed her head against the side cabinet. So now, I'm going to fucking kill you just for fun!!!  
  
The audience that had formed a circle around them sweat dropped. She should have just helped him, he's got murder written all over him. A random man said.  
  
And it was the truth.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Heero, what do you mean the airport security is after you? What did you do? And your plane should've taken off by now! Why aren't you on it? And where's Duo? Quatre asked Heero.  
  
The plane did took off without me, so while I stand here, on the ground, Duo is about 4,000 feet above me. And now I am running away from airport security because I had a small mishap with the lady who wouldn't sell me a goddamned ticket!  
  
Heero, why wouldn't she sell you a ticket?  
  
The hell if I know, but I swear, and Trowa, I know you're listening to this, that she was related to that girl from the supermarket.  
  
In the back round, Heero heard Quatre ask Trowa, Do I even want to know? After a few moments of silence, Quatre returned to the phone. Heero, you two meet the strangest people.  
  
Yeah, well, I'm on my way to your plane, and it's only going to take about ten minutes, so don't let those guys take off without me.  
  
I'll tell them.   
  
  
  
If only Duo had heard you say that. Quatre said before he hung up.   
  
And that made Heero think about his soon to be husband.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
He left me. Heero abandoned me. He left me alone with all of this fudge. What was he thinking? He knows I can't resist the temptation of fudge. Duo said through his fifth piece of fudge. His face was smeared with the brown chocolate, and though he had only finished half of the piece he was eating, he reached into the bag for another.   
  
I mean, how could Heero leave me alone like this? He knows I have a chocolate problem, and I openly admit this problem, and I will openly seek help for this problem. But what does he do? He leaves me alone in my moment of need. I'll be right behind you, he told me. I'll be there in a second. But when the pilot announces we're taking off, the seat besides me is not filled. This is not the time to turn invisible, and this had better not be one of those training missions. Or so help me, you won't have sex for a month. A month. And, you can just drag your perfect soldier ass out to the couch, because that's where you'll be for the month.   
  
Duo sat there for a few minutes, staring at the balding head of the person in front of him. Then, all of a sudden, he just said, I have to take a piss, drawing the attention of those around him. Hey, what, you act like you've never pissed before. It's a naturally occurring thing. I mean, do you realize you would explode if you never pissed? Duo raised an eyebrow at the mothers covering their children's ears. Oh, shit! I really need to go! I just forgot momentarily.  
  
Duo got up and walked over to the small stall, that currently said occupied,' and started to knock on the door. I need to take a piss! Duo said through the door. Open up! I'll piss on the door if you don't open soon! I guarantee I have to go more than you do!  
  
You can wait! My son is using the bathroom! A woman's voice answered. And you need to learn some patience!  
  
I know what patience is! I went through a whole fucking war filled with sexual frustration, and I had to wait a whole fucking year before I could fuck my fucking partner! So don't you go talking to me about fucking patience! Duo yelled to the woman in the stall. Now hurry the fuck up! I have to piss!  
  
Young man, you need to learn- the woman began before Duo interrupted her.  
  
He started to bang on the door while yelling numerous profanities. He had almost broken the door down when he heard someone clear their throat. He instantly stopped his assault and looked back over his shoulder.  
  
A flight attendant stood behind him with an awkward look on her face. She pointed to the door behind her that read vacant' Duo raised his eye brows then a smile appeared on his face. That works too! He shoved past the woman and disappeared into the bathroom.  
  
A few seconds of silence passed and the flight attendant looked silently around her. Then suddenly a scream was heard. How the fuck did I think Heero and I would be able to fuck in here? It's so fucking small!  
  
After Duo had relieved himself, he squeezed himself over to the pitiful excuse of a sink. This is Heero's fault! He turned the tap on and frowned. He bent down to get a closer look. Do I even want to know why this water isn't clear?  
  
He looked up at the mirror. What the hell are you looking at? It's not my fault Heero left me! I should blow this whole thing up just to get back at Heero.  
  
A flight attendant passing by just happened to hear Duo's out break. But more precisely at the moment he said, I should blow this whole thing up.   
  
Thinking that he was a terrorist, she immediately panicked, and slammed the red button marked, automatic stall lock.' This lock had been designed to trap a terrorist in the bathroom if and when they made their stop.  
  
  
What the fuck? He tried to turn the doorknob, but to his astonishment, it wouldn't turn. What's going on!?!?! He screamed pulling on the door as hard as he could. Let me out! Giving up on the doorknob, he turned to trying to kick the door in.  
  
You can't get out, you horrible terrorist! The flight attendant screamed from outside the door. But in Duo's frustration, and momentary panic, it seemed to him that the voice was coming from the mirror next to him.  
  
What the fuck? He gave the mirror a panicked look, freezing his actions. I'm not a terrorist! He shouted at the mirror before pausing. Well . . . not anymore!   
  
You'll never get out of there, you terrorist! the woman shouted again and Duo growled at the mirror.  
  
Do I look like a terrorist?!?!?! He shouted, starring at his reflection. Don't answer that! He turned away from the mirror and began kicking the door again. You can't keep me in here!  
  
The woman on the outside was having difficulty understanding Duo, and interpreting his words she though he was breaking through. Oh god no! She screamed backing away from the door. I'll kill you if you manage to get out of there! She turned and fled, possibly towards the captain.  
  
You can't keep me in here! He looked back at the mirror. And don't be so mean. You don't have to lock me in here. He kicked the door as hard as he could.  
  
Terrorist! Terrorist! Terrorist! Came muffled from the door and Duo's eyes watered. First you! He pointed to the mirror, And now the door! He sank to the floor.   
  
Let me out! He screamed. The walls! The fucking walls are closing in on me! Oz is trying to kill me, and the little fuckers might actually do it!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Milliardo carefully turned the page of his newspaper. WuFei seated next to him remained in his relaxed state with eyes closed. The blonde man glanced once at him before smirking.  
  
They bought the preventers excuse? Milliardo asked.  
  
WuFei opened his eyes. No, at least I don't think they did. Winner was poking around my things just before we left, and I'm sure he saw me packing a few items. WuFei scowled. I'm just surprised Maxwell didn't try first.  
  
Milliardo folded his paper carefully before placing it under his seat. Besides the cook and the pilots, we are the only people on this plane. He paused catching WuFei's attention. And there is a very large room in the back of this plane, with a very comfortable bed.  
  
He raised his eye brows as WuFei slapped a hand to his face. Milliardo shook his head as he stood and moved past WuFei. I'm going to take you to the doctor one of these days, it can't be normal or healthy to lose as much blood as you do.   
  
WuFei stood to join him when his phone went off. Growling, Milliardo offered him a shrug. Join me when you finish. He moved to the door. And don't even think about just hanging up on the person, because I will know.  
  
WuFei sighed, pushed the okay button and pressed the phone to his ear. He asked angrily  
  
WuFei pulled the phone back to look at it in confusion.   
  
Who the hell is this? WuFei asked.  
  
WuFei's eyes narrowed.   
  
  
  
  
  
You know I can't understand you on the phone! I can't see you, so therefore I don't know what you want!  
  
WuFei growled again.  
  
I'm hanging up. If you want me to understand you, put Winner on the phone!   
  
Came to protest but WuFei hung up.  
  
Satisfied that it had been a short phone call, WuFei straitened his preventer uniform and began to walk towards the room in the back. And at that moment the phone rang again.  
  
Barton! I told you to put Winner on the phone next time! WuFei shot into the phone.  
  
Chang, we have a breech in the mission. Subject D is missing and we must abort! Came the anal reply.  
  
WuFei asked. What the fuck?  
  
I repeat, we must abort operation M!  
  
WuFei blinked. Operation Meteor? He asked, had Duo driven Heero into insanity before they were even married?  
  
No! Operation Marriage. I have lost subject D, and have been pursued by the enemy through the airport. I am currently safe in a location which I cannot disclose to you at the moment. We must abort before we are caught and -- WuFei clicked the phone off.  
  
What in the name of Nataku was Yuy going on about? WuFei asked himself making his way towards the door for the second time.  
  
He cringed again as the phone rang. This had better not be Barton or Yuy! WuFei screamed, loosing his patience.  
  
Came the whisper.   
  
WuFei asked, he could barely hear the blonde. What's going on, and where are you?  
  
I'm hiding in the bathroom. Came the reply. Heero's gone crazy and, and, and The blonde stuttered.   
  
And what? WuFei prompted.  
  
Heero demanded that I fix it, and I can't, so I think he wants to eat me!  
  
WuFei blinked once, twice. Wait, run that by me again. What did Heero do, what do you need to fix, and why do you think he wants to eat you?  
  
Duo got on the plane but Heero didn't. I haven't been able to get much out of him, but from what I can tell, he misplaced his ticket. The plane took off without him, and he wants me to fix it. I told him I didn't have that kind of jurisdiction so he turned to me with this crazy look. I think he wants to eat me, maybe Trowa too. I mean, I'm the smallest and I'm the cute blonde, who wouldn't want to eat me.  
  
So where are you? WuFei asked.  
  
I ran to the bathroom, and I'm hiding in here. I haven't heard anything from Trowa for a while, I think Heero might have eaten him. WuFei paused, even if Barton wanted help, who would have heard . . . ???  
  
Winner, listen carefully, get out of the bathroom and go back to your seat. Yuy will not eat you and he has not eaten Barton. Tell him I'll find Duo and pick him up on the plane's first stop. WuFei sighed. Goodbye Winner. He hung up and flopped back down into his seat. I can't believe I'm doing this.  
  
He was ready to rip his hair out when it rang for the fourth time. He growled into the phone.  
  
The walls! The walls are closing in on me and they're going to kill me! This is an elaborate plot by OZ to kill me and the walls! The walls are closing in on me!  
  
WuFei asked. From what he had pieced together from the various phone calls, was that Duo was alone, but there was something more.  
  
I got on the plane, cause Heero said so, and then he wasn't there, and then he left me alone. The plane took off and then I didn't know what to do, and Heero left me alone with the fudge. Heero knows that I panic when I'm left alone with fudge so I ate it all and then I had to go to the bathroom. I went but there was already someone in there, so I yelled at her, the woman that is, for a long time. Then I got to go in another bathroom. And then the door locked and the mirror called me a terrorist and the door joined in and they tried to make me cry and then the walls started to close in on me and I don't know what to do and my fudge is gone! Help me Wuffers, help me! The walls are closing in on me and I haven't had a decent fuck for five hours and I haven't had my noon nap!  
  
WuFei had pulled the phone back seconds in advance and was in shock. Maxwell, calm down, you spoke to fast, say it again. He frowned at the sound of someone hitting the floor. He sweat dropped.   
  
Fei-Fei, help me! WuFei sighed.  
  
Why did you call me and not Heero? WuFei asked, confused that the baka would call him of all people. Maxwell? Duo? He received no answer. He got a dial tone.  
  
Milliardo called through the door and almost immediately he felt a nosebleed coming.  
  
He begged himself to remain calm as his phone rang one final time. He answered as sweetly as possible.  
  
You lied! Came Quatre's harsh voice over the phone. You said Heero wouldn't eat Trowa! But I can't find him and now Heero's yelling at someone on the phone. I looked for Trowa but I couldn't find him. I called out . . . but I received no answer! You lied, you lied, you lied!  
  
With all his strength he threw his phone as hard as possible at the wall of the plane. It hit and burst into millions of pieces. What was that?!?!? Milliardo called from the room.  
  
WuFei screamed back. I'm coming now! WuFei stalked over to the door and threw it open. His eyes widened at the sight of his lover, and blood spilled down his face.  
  
You like? Milliardo asked. WuFei nodded furiously. I think you're a little overdressed. The man asked.  
  
Within a second WuFei had run into the room and was slamming the door behind him. Jumping on the bed he wiped the blood away and allowed Milliardo to pull off his belt.  
  
Take care of every thing? Milliardo asked.  
  
Yes, no more phone calls. WuFei assured him.  
  
WuFei had just kicked off his pants when a phone rang. WuFei froze and Milliardo frowned. Milliardo reached over to grab his phone.  
  
He asked.  
  
WuFei watched as Milliardo threw his own phone across the room. I've been nice, I've played the part of the cute little secret boyfriend, but enough is enough.  
  
He rolled over and pinned the Chinese man to the bed. I don't know how Quatre got my number, but it's not happening again. There is only one thing I want to do right now, He smiled wide. And there is only one thing I _am _going to do.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
We aren't in Kansas any more, Todo. Duo said to himself as he stood in the airport. This isn't Ireland. Duo looked around at the British flags adorning the walls.   
  
He drifted through the airport slumped forward. As soon as he had gotten out of the bathroom and explained to the airport officials that he wasn't a terrorist, he was booted off the plane. The plane had made an emergency stop and he had been kicked off the plane, literally.   
  
So now he was stranded in, what he guessed to be Britain. In his panic to get out of the bathroom he had dropped his cellphone into the toilet, and he wouldn't have reached into that water for all the credits in the colonies. And to top it all off, the guards on the plane had confiscated his money, credit cards and passport when they had patted him down.  
  
No fucking, no eating, no sleeping, makes Duo a very unhappy bride to be. Duo murmured to himself. he rubbed his hands. It's back to being a thief.  
  
After several minutes of picking pockets, and only being caught once, (so he was out of practice.) he retreated to the men's bathroom. He emptied his pockets and nodded happily at the amount of money he had acquired.   
  
It was then he reached in and pulled out a small blinking metal chip. He turned it over and frowned. Duo-Tracker, property of Hilde. He read and his eyes widened. Throwing it into the toilet he slammed his hand down on the flush button and watched it disappear.  
  
Running from the bathroom he stood out in the hallway. He looked left, right, and then left again before letting out a breath. He had been mortally afraid that Hilde would have tracked him, at least he was safe for the moment.  
  
  
  
In his panic he dropped everything he had stolen to the floor. His head quickly whipped to the left as he saw a purple blur with a white bandage on it's shoulder running towards him.  
  
No . . . fucking . . . way . . . He managed to say as he sprinted down the hall. Dodging people he screamed, Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit . . .  
  
He ran out into the street and continued to run down the street, continuing to say, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. He had been running for a few minutes before he felt it safe to stop. His eyes lit up as he spotted the British royal palace and the guards standing watch.  
  
Oooh, look at them! Maybe they can help me! Duo walked over to the closest guard and cleared his throat.  
  
Can you help me? Duo asked, but he received no reply. Can you hear me? Once again, he got no reply. You can hear me, and I know it, so I'm going to tell you what I need. And then you can help me!  
  
Okay, first of all, my husband to be abandoned me in California when he didn't get on the plane we were going to be on, and then I was accused of being a terrorist, but I'm not anymore, I quit that profession when the war ended, and I was locked in the bathroom stall, and the door and the mirror ganged up on me and tried to make me cry, but after being in the war, it takes a lot to make me cry, and no one knows how to make me cry, and then I got out of the bathroom and was kicked out of the plane at the airport and they did a pat search and they took all of my stuff, like my passport, my ID, my credit cards, and while I was in the bathroom, I dropped my phone, and now I have a stalker who is following me, and has somehow found me when no one else has been able to find me, and I don't know what to do. Duo stopped talking and took a breath of air. Can you help me?  
  
Duo received no reply at all from the guard, so he decided to have a little fun and try to get the guy to at least say something. Duo let out a smirk as he asked his first question.  
  
Is that hat thing heavy? Do you have to stand there for a long time? How long have you been standing there? Are you allowed to move at all? What's your name? Is your name Bob? Is it Bill? Are you married? Do you have a boyfriend? A girlfriend? Do you love her? Do you love him? Do you have children? How many? How long have you been a guard? Was your father a guard? Is this a family practice? Are you royal at all? Do you like red? Is red your color? What's your favorite color? Have you ever had a bird shit on you? What type of bird was it? Is that gun heavy? How old is that gun? Is that gun from the old days? Speaking of old days, have you ever met the queen? The king? How many guards are there? Are you the only one who sits at this spot? Do you have a phone? Can I use it? Do you know what time it is? Do you know how to get rid of stalkers? What's your favorite animal? Do you like lions? Do you like tigers? You like bunnies, don't you? What type of music do you like? Do you like television? Do you have any spare time? Can you show me the city when you get off work? Do you ever get off work? Are you just a statue? Has anyone ever asked you that? Did you know I just asked you forty five questions? How long do you think I can keep this up? Did you know that my all time record of question asking is sixty? Did you know that the only reason I haven't gone past sixty is because Hee-chan always tapes my mouth shut? Are you going to tape my mouth shut? Do you know what tape is? Did you know that I'm going to break my record on asking questions today? Do you care? Do you like your job? Do you have a choice? Do you know how to speak French? Do you know how to speak German? Are you listening to me? Do you like me? Do you want to kill me? Are you bored? Did you know I just broke my record? Did you know that I just asked you sixty three questions? Should I stop? Should I keep going until you answer my very first question? Do you even remember what my first question was? Did you know that I don't even remember what the first question was? Did you know that I don't care anymore? Did you know that I'm going to stop asking you questions? Duo stopped at sixty nine questions. He was starting to get bored. The guard hadn't done anything but blink his eyes, and Duo was trying his best to get the guy to at least talk.  
  
Duo sat and stared at the guy for about thirty minutes. He knew from experience that people got unnerved around him when he just suddenly stopped talking after going on and on. And he liked to use this to his advantage. But this guard was tough. He wouldn't do anything at all. Duo was starting to think that maybe the guy really was a statue, so he stepped up close to the guard and felt for a pulse. To his amazement, the guard did have one.   
  
So. You are human. Then why haven't you said anything? I think you hate me. Why does everything have to go wrong today? I all ready told you about what happened earlier, and now you're ignoring me! I hate it when people ignore me. What's wrong with me? Why can you ignore me like this? Not even Hee-chan was ever able to ignore me for this long, so how is it that you can? Me and Hee-chan were in the war, and we both have enormous amounts of patience, but even he gets annoyed with me and tapes my mouth shut. I can talk for a long time. When I start talking, I usually don't stop unless Hee-chan tapes my mouth shut. Have you yet gotten the hint that you need to tape my mouth shut to get me to shut up? No one but Hee-chan can do that, though. Only he knows how to tie me up good enough for me to be unable to get free and untape my mouth. Hee-chan tapes my mouth before he ties me up, but he always unties me when he wants to fuck. That's the good thing about Hee-chan, he doesn't tie me up. He uses the handcuffs. He bought me black fuzzy ones for my birthday! And he also got me glow in the dark ones, but they don't glow anymore, so Hee-chan threw them away. I think he's thinking about getting the ones that light up when you turn them on. They're battery operated, so you don't have to worry about the light going away unless the batteries die. Why haven't you said anything yet? Are you so bored that you aren't going to answer me? Why aren't you answering me? You don't love me! How can you not love me? Everyone loves me! Well, Wuffers doesn't really love me, and half of the time, he'll tell you that he doesn't even like me, but I know better. Q-man is like a brother to me, but I don't have any brothers, so I guess I wouldn't really know, but with him? Yeah, I think like a brother says it all. Trowa is kinda quiet, but he's cool, I guess. And that leaves my Hee-chan! I know he loves me, because he asked me to marry him on my birthday! Do you know how much crap we went through on that day? Holy shit! Well, first of all- Duo suddenly stopped because he thought he saw the guards lips move.   
  
The guards lips moved again, but Duo didn't hear anything. You're going to have to speak a little bit louder, I can't hear you.  
  
Collect call. This time Duo heard him.  
  
A collect call! Brilliant! Thank you soooooo much. I never would have thought of that! And, hey, are you allowed to talk? I thought that-  
  
  
  
The blood drained out of Duo's face as he heard that voice. He frantically looked around, searching for the voice and finally determined that it must come from the left of him.   
  
Hey, thanks for the idea, but I'm going to have to run away right now, but don't worry, I won't tell anyone that you said anything. Duo took off at a sprint in the opposite direction of the demon stalker. I hope she doesn't catch me!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Heero was walking back and forth, muttering darkly to nothing in particular, when his phone rang.   
  
Yuy here. State your business. He said curtly.  
  
You have an AT&T Collect Call. Caller, at the tone, please state your name. BEEP! I'mlostinLondonandHildeisafterme.HELP! Will you accept charges? Heero was momentarily stunned by the speed in which Duo had said all that, and he didn't understand him. So of course, he said yes.  
  
Duo, where the hell are you? Heero snapped at him.  
  
I'm lost in London! Heero, Hilde found me! She's outside the phone booth right now, trying to claw her way in!! What am I going to do?! In the back round, Heero could hear Hilde banging on the phone booth with her one good arm and at intervals, he could hear her scratching at the glass.  
  
Stay right there, I'll call someone to pick you up.  
  
Hurry! She's about to break the glass! If she does that there is no way I'm going to stay right here!!!  
  
Shut up and tell me where the hell you are!  
  
London! A phone booth! Anything else, I don't know! That's why I said I was LOST!! Duo screamed into the phone. Oh shit! Heero, she stopped banging on the glass. SHE'S GOING FOR THE PHONE CORD!! SHE JUST- The phone clicked out. Heero could guess as to what she did.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Duo was holding the doors closed for all he was worth. He was not even about to let the deranged stalker get through to him. Heero! You have to help me! She's gnawing on the doors! I think she thinks I'm stuck! Help me!!!! Heero?! HEERO!?!?!?! Heero, now is not the time to go all quiet! Heero?!?! I need you! Heero!! That's when Duo realized that Hilde had indeed cut through the telephone cord.  
  
DDDDDDDDDUUUUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOOO!!! Come out of there! I want to - Hilde started to say when someone gently pulled her around. That someone was Milliardo Peacecraft.  
  
Hilde, I think you're supposed to be somewhere else right now.  
  
But I can't just leave Duo like this. Haven't you heard? We're getting married! I can't just have him stuck in a phone booth in London. Will you help me get him out of there?  
  
But Hilde, you and Duo are getting married tomorrow, right? Milliardo said. Duo paled and began to sob louder.  
  
Yeah, why? She looked at him oddly.  
  
So, you know it's bad luck for Duo to see you before the wedding tomorrow. Duo had slumped to the floor and Milliardo was trying to wink at him. But the braided baka had closed his eyes and was rocking back and forth begging for Heero to come and save him.  
  
She hugged him tightly, cutting off the blood flow.  
  
WuFei, eyebrow twitching, reached over to pry the squealing stalker off his boyfriend. Go now, Hilde.  
  
The stalker blew a kiss to Duo one last time before she skipped happily away, promising to see him bright and early in the morning.   
  
Duo, you can come out now. WuFei was knocking on the glass. The Chinese man gave a sigh before he kicked the door in. You don't have to worry about her until tomorrow.  
  
Milliardo nodded and stood next to his lover. Unless you'd rather stay here until she comes looking for you tomorrow. Both Milliardo and WuFei shared a look as they landed on the hard cement.  
  
WuFei slowly stood and looked in the phone booth. He bent down and picked up a piece of paper.  
  
WuFers,  
  
Hey WuFei, I saw that you were taking care of things so I left to get something to eat. Because you know how I like to eat, and being trapped in the phone booth for half an hour without any food is bound to make me hungry. So then I couldn't decide what I wanted to eat. There are so many choices and I've never been to London before, so I don't know what's here. So the I had to ask myself how was I going to pay for al the food I wanted to eat. And then I remember that I had taken all that money from all those people. But then I counted it and I realized that I had been borrowing from strangers, out of town strangers. So I had all this money from different countries, and no where to exchange it all. And like I said, I don't know my way around London so I don't know where I could exchange it and if I didn't know that, would the people at the food place really take the money. And if I got all of that worked out, then how would I find you? And if I found you, would you be nice enough to take me to my Hee-Bear?   
  
So then I just decided to go to the preventer's head office and get some money and my back up passport. So I'll met you back at your plane in about an hour okay?   
  
Bye Wu-Wu  
-Shinigami AKA Duo  
  
  
Why didn't he just do that in the first place? WuFei asked.  
  
He's Duo.  
  
And how the hell did he write all of that in less then a second?  
  
Milliardo sighed. He's Duo.  
  
Both men sweat dropped and hung their head. Milliardo looked from the piece of paper and back down to his watch. Duo said he'll eat for an hour? Milliardo asked.  
  
We've got at least three. WuFei confirmed.  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Heero grinned wide, and held up a dinky spork.(1) Quatre, come here for a moment. Heero stalked slowly towards the short blonde, an evil glint in his eyes.  
  
Quatre screamed, running towards Trowa who was located just feet away.  
  
I'm not going to eat you, really. Heero lunged towards Quatre, but landed in the snow, just a few inches from Quatre.  
  
Heero screamed, jumping up. Screw just killing you, I'm gonna eat you now!  
  
WuFei lied! He lied! I can't believe it! WHAT ABOUT HONOR! There is no honor in lying! HE LIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEDDDDD!!!!!!!!! Quatre yelled.  
  
. . . Trowa crossed his arms and moved to stand in front of Quatre. . . .   
  
Heero tried to lunge at him again. Don't you fucking start with me Barton! We are stuck, in the middle of fucking Russia, Quatre accidentally' knocked the wedding rings into the lake, and the natives took all of our fucking clothes. So don't fucking preach to me about not eating people when the natives could devour us without any trouble. Heero pointed to the native women who were smiling widely at them.  
  
Quatre shivered lightly and clutched Trowa's arm. It's not my fault we lost our clothes to that mob! Heero growled and the three naked men began a stair down.  
  
Heero sprinted towards Quatre who, in his attempts to flee slipped and fell on the hard ice. The blonde smacked his head on the ground.  
  
. . . ? Trowa asked worriedly.  
  
Quatre hopped to his feet, holding his own plastic spork. MY FATHER WILL BE AVENGED, THE GODS HAVE PROVIDED ME WITH MY OWN SPORK TO KILL YOU, YOU EVIL AVENGER. I WILL NOT REST UNTIL MY SPORK IS PLANTED IN YOUR HEART, AND I FUCK TROWA WILDLY, BECAUSE WE ALREADY HAVE OUR CLOTHES OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Heero stood strait up and moved face to face with Quatre, And they lunged at each other.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
Duo started, before he got a look at the inside of the plane. He blushed then smiled wide. I knew it! I knew you were shagging some one Fei-Fei!  
  
Duo was jumping up and down trying to stop his sugar rush. While WuFei and Milliardo scrambled to find their clothes that had been thrown around.  
  
You said three hours! Milliardo said, hopping around the plane trying to pull his pants up.  
  
Duo plopped down on one of the nearby chairs. As much as i would love to leave and let you go back to fucking. Cause we all know how much WuFei needs his di-- WuFei had sprung forward to cover the baka's mouth. Duo pulled away and moved to another chair. We need to go, cause I need to see my Hee-Chan.  
  
Milliardo rolled his eyes and fixed the last button on his shirt. I'll go tell the pilot we're ready to leave. He had reached the door when everyone was thrown violently to the floor as the plane shook. What the hell is that? Milliardo asked.  
  
Duo turned in his seat to look out the window. Take off! TAke off now!!! Duo looked back frantically at WuFei. For the love of Shinigami, take the fuck off!  
  
WuFei moved to his own window and his eyes widened. he ran towards the pilots cabin and disappeared inside of it.  
  
What is it? Milliardo asked.  
  
Hilde's fucking eating the plane. The plane began to move to take off. I think she's trying to stop us from taking off! The tearing of metal and vicious clawing noises made Duo stand up in his seat.  
  
Where the fuck is she? He was looking as best he could behind the plane that had just taken off.  
  
Don't worry, WuFei called from the cockpit. We left her behind. WuFei assured him.  
  
Duo turned back in his seat. Then why don't i see her?  
  
Duo watched Milliardo move from the cabin to the cockpit. If you guys are going to fuck again, make sure to shut and lock the door, it's sound proof for a reason.  
  
WuFei screamed and threw a banana at Duo's head.  
  
Duo smiled. Though i do like things this long, He shouted back. It's just not for me if it comes from you. Try Milliardo! The slam of the cockpit door was his answer.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Trowa, i don't like the way the people are looking at us. Quatre tried to hide himself behind Trowa, to avoid the looks of strangers.  
  
. . . trowa pointed out.   
  
This is all your fault Winner. We wouldn't be standing in the airport in Russia in bearskin dresses if you hadn't caused an emergency landing and gotten into a spork fight with me.  
  
Quatre merely shrugged. It was both of our faults Heero. Quatre said.  
  
Winner. . . Trowa's hand suddenly came out of no where and stopped Heero from moving forward.  
  
. . . He said in a low voice so Quatre couldn't hear him. . . . He added.  
  
Heero grumbled.  
  
  
  
  
Heero barely had time to look towards the boarding gate before a warm body was throwing himself into his arms. Heero blinked a few times before he wrapped his arm around the boy.  
  
Are you okay, Duo? Heero asked, pulling Duo back and looking him over.  
  
He kissed Heero deeply before frowning. Why are you wearing bear skin?  
  
Heero blushed and waved it off. No matter! Duo said, throwing himself at Heero again. But can i switch your clothes with WuFei? He asked with humor. I'd rather see you without your clothes and WuFei in a bearskin.  
  
Before Heero had time to compute what Duo had just said, Duo was pulling him away. Want to go see the bathroom. I hear they're fantastic.   
  
Enough, Maxwell. WuFei and Milliardo had joined them. WuFei had latched onto Duo braid and was dragging him back to Quatre and Trowa.  
  
Let's get on the fucking plane. You do realize that in about fifteen fucking hours you're supposed to be married? he asked Duo and Heero. And from the looks of it, He gestured to Heero's clothing. You're going to need to get a few things before that time.  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Just four hours later Duo sat happily next to Heero in the warm and very safe Preventer jet. They had managed to recover all of their clothing, and new rings had been made for the ceremony. They were about three hours away from Ireland and Heero and Duo were about three minutes away from fucking.  
  
Please, Hee-chan! Duo begged, wiggling in his seat. I don't care if anyone hears us, i don't care if we have to do it in the seat, but i need to fuck you! He pulled heavily on Heero's sweater, the more mature boy ignoring him.  
  
Duo, i've told you for the past two hours, i'm too tired to fuck. Duo leaned back into his seat and crossed his arms.  
  
How can you be to tired to fuck!?! You're never too tired to fuck!!! Heero continued to ignore him and kept his eyes closed. Duo had, had enough. I'm going to sit on the other side of the plane, cause i really don't want to fight with you before the wedding! He shoved past Heero. If there even is a wedding!  
  
Duo had made it a few rows down when the plane rocked back and forth, knocking Duo to the ground with a thud. This is your pilot speaking. Came the PA voice. We're experiencing just a bit of turbulence, so would everyone please take their seats. Duo grumbled and took a seat by himself in one of the last rows.  
  
Creases of worry increased as the plane began to shake more and more. He gripped the arm rest and looked around the plane. Ladies and Gentlemen. The voice was back. We are experiencing more then just turbulence, and this is a code 34920-45ATR-3629GF-911-0411-HDIUEMDIK-35DESD-3E8DHJ3-1 and i'd like to ask you to ABANDON SHIP!   
  
Duo stood in his seat as he watched the cockpit door open and a crazed looking man run towards the plane door. You idiot! Duo heard Heero scream at the man.  
  
Their pilot had decided to escape using his parachute, but also by opening the door of the plane. He had escaped out to freedom but started a suction pulling everyone towards the door.  
  
Some one get that door shut! WuFei screamed as Milliardo pulled out their parachutes from under the seats, just incase.  
  
That's not going to happen! Heero shouted. There's too much pressure, we'll have to jump. He slipped his parachute on and motioned for Duo to move closer to him.  
  
Duo pulled his own parachute on as they moved closer to the door. See! I told you! Duo shouted over the wind. I told you there wouldn't be a wedding!  
  
Duo gripped his parachute, falling as close to Heero as possible. Where the fuck are we? He asked, motioning to the ground that was now visible.  
  
If my calculations are correct, assuming we took into account the wind variation, turbulence factor, and barometric pressure, then my best guess, in the top 50 percentile--  
  
Heero! for fuck's sake! Just tell me where the hell we're falling to!  
  
  
  
WHAT THE HELL?!   
  
Duo spent the entire time screaming various phrases including, How the fuck did i get talked into marrying anyone? And, What the fuck do i think i'm doing!  
  
They landed on the grassy hills of Poland exactly fifteen minutes later. And though Heero and WuFei might have landed gracefully, Quatre took a dive in the nearby lake, Duo crashed into a pasture filled with grazing cows, Trowa was caught in a tree and Milliardo landed on his head. And the pilot? The pilot was no where to be found.  
  
Duo asked, dragging himself towards his soon to be husband. What happened to the pilot?  
  
Heero exchanged a glance with WuFei. See the cows? He asked, and Duo nodded. And see the grass they're eating? Duo nodded again. That's not grass.  
  
Duo remarked.  
  
Justice has been served! WuFei said.  
  
What happened? Duo asked. That doesn't even look like a person.  
  
WuFei insisted that justice be done. Heero stated. And he brought his sword to see it done.  
  
Duo raised an eyebrow. Wuffers, do i even want to know where you kept that sword hidden and where it is now? Eh, maybe i should just as Milliardo, i'm sure he'll know. WuFei rolled his eyes.  
  
I'm afraid we're not going to make it to your wedding on time. Quatre, dripping wet said.   
  
Duo nodded. And do you know what i say when someone tries to stop me from doing something i want to do? Duo asked them. Fuck'em all. (2) Me and Heero are getting married right here. Duo looked out over the hill. That town looks about five or six miles away, i'm sure we can make it before night fall and find a church. I don't care about the baggage, the rings, and anything else. I just want to be fucking married.  
  
He glared at the town before stalking towards it determinedly. He was not going to let a sorry excuse for a town beat him out of his wedding day. Nor a plane crash, crazy stalker, or goddamn mistaken identities, is going to stop me.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Okay, this is not writers block, we swear! This is called it's too damn long and we need to post' The second part will be out . . . . . eventually, don't hold your breath, you'll die.  
  
We known what is going ot happen, but it's the whole act of writing it out that's taking so long. Like we said, it's not writers block, it's laziness, so don't hold your breath.   
  
  
(1)-- The dreaded Spork. Okay, I don't know if you all remember them or used them, but it elementary school they didn't trust us enough to have forks but knew we couldn't eat that shit they called food with a spoon. so they invented the mysterious object called a spork. And what is it, you might ask. Well, a spork is a combination of a spoon and a fork. Who'd of thought it? If you still don't get, go into your kitchen, pick up a spoon and place it over a fork, then you'll know what we're talking about.   
  
(2) Anyone who has seen the Second Season of Queer As Folk knows that, that phrase belongs to Emmett. And boy does he make the Gay world happy.


	2. goodbye

Hello. YamiEmmy here. I am sorry to have to inform you that Trunks lil sis and I will no longer be writing any more Gundam Wing fan fiction. For all of you who loved us, I am sorry.  
  
Trunks lil sis has finally admitted that she is now anti-anime. She will not be writing anime anymore, so I cannot write any disasters for the G- boys, since they were co-authored fics. Once again, I am sorry.  
  
At the moment, I am debating with myself whether or not to take down the fics we have that are already posted. Please leave in a review what you think. I will respect the majority; so if you like the fics, say so.  
  
Well, goodbye. 


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